Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep.

zerlina @ 2010-01-07T20:30:00

2010-01-08T04:30:20Z

I took a Claratin to see if my yuckies might be some sort of allergy thing, but no dice. I'm still coughing like a chain smoker. It's gross.

I went to the store to pick up some things to make comfort food. Tonight, it was spaghetti. Tomorrow, I have loads of soup, including my favorite, chicken coconut curry. I also splurged on a couple of Odwalla juices.

Of course, I forgot to grab Nyquil. Hopefully, I'll sleep at some point. I just don't have the energy to go back to the store.

zerlina @ 2010-01-07T13:13:00

2010-01-07T21:13:29Z

I think I'm going to take tomorrow off too.

I need to feel better. Erica's taking me to a show tomorrow.

zerlina @ 2010-01-06T21:04:00

2010-01-07T05:04:25Z

Well, it's only 9:00 and I'm heading back to bed. This gurgly cough is the pits. I'm coughing so much, my back is feeling it. At least my nose is clear. I have high hopes to meet with a friend for tea tomorrow.

Also good - I found a fix for the empty bed blues. I have six pillows now. AND a bolster.

zerlina @ 2010-01-05T10:41:00

2010-01-05T18:41:45Z

I thought that being back at work would be a good thing. Routine and all, you know? I thought that seeing the kids would be good. It's not. I feel completely disconnected.

Think I might take a couple days off.

zerlina @ 2010-01-01T17:16:00

2010-01-02T01:15:29Z

With C's help, I put together my new bed today. After some minor frustrations I come to find that I got the rails for a full instead of a queen. Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch tonight and get to drive down to IKEA tomorrow. Joy.

On a brighter note, I met up with Anne today for lunch. I haven't seen her since last summer, so we had a lot to catch up on. We went to Scott's and shared the crab and artichoke dip, then I had a cup of their tasty French onion soup followed by crab cakes. Anne knows the chef there and he insisted on buying us dessert, so although I didn't have room for another bite, I took home some wicked looking banana egg rolls with coconut ice cream and caramel macadamia sauce.

The diet will commence tomorrow!

It was wonderful spending time with Anne. She's like a mom to me and since I've been feeling rather like an orphan, being with her was just what I needed. We have resolved to get together at least once a month in the coming year. I think it's a good resolution to start with.

zerlina @ 2010-01-01T02:52:00

2010-01-01T10:52:13Z

I am taking ten long deep breaths right now.

zerlina @ 2010-01-01T02:35:00

2010-01-01T10:33:26Z

Happy New Year.

zerlina @ 2009-12-31T22:05:00

2010-01-01T06:01:16Z

Wow. It's 10:00. I keep thinking of "When Harry Met Sally" and feeling pathetic.

Erica, Cherice, and Cindy are encouraging me to come out. Even Mike, who usually goes out with his buddies for his birthday (even back when we were dating years ago, I never got to celebrate this night with him), is pushing for me to get out for a bit.

I need a break from assembling furniture anyway. Maybe.

zerlina @ 2009-12-31T17:39:00

2010-01-01T01:37:54Z

My television is indeed deceased. This depresses me to no end, especially since I had a recent bout of retail therapy that I just can't see rescinding. I've already started to assemble my new furniture and it feels too good. Besides, all three pieces were less than $300 with tax. I can't get a new tv for that anyway.

So I sent a text to Dadoo asking him if he might be able to help in any way. Frankly, I was just hoping he might see fit to pay me child support early in the month so I might be able to creatively figure something out, like maybe find new ways to cook ramen. Instead, he offered up the set from C's room up north. He says he never uses it anyway.

So I met Dadoo this afternoon. Turns out, it's the set he left me with when he left those many years ago, when I came home and found half the furniture gone. He took that away later and swapped me for a smaller one with a built-in VCR, which was fine until a few years later when I tried to play DVDs with our new (at that time) PS2. So Dadoo got us a new television altogether (I got rid of the combo tv about a month ago), and we could watch movies again.

So that is the one that went kaput. I thought that it was the cable switchover, but I couldn't even get the AV channel to work. I hope this new/old set works okay.

For now, it's sitting in my car. It was hell getting the old one out into my garage with C's help. There is no way I'm trying to move the other one in with that kind of assistance. So probably no TV tonight. Everyone, count down REALLY LOUD so I can hear you.

My stereo doesn't work either. Thank god I can listen to music on my computer.

And now, let the celebration begin. Costco pizza for the win!

zerlina @ 2009-12-31T01:23:00

2009-12-31T09:22:50Z

Well, crap... I think my television just died.

My son is going to have LOTS of fun with that Wii now!

Ugh.

After Christmas. Before New Years. Meme.

2009-12-31T07:29:53Z

[memetext]
Leave me an amusing comment.
I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity
Update your journal with the answers to the questions
Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.
[/memetext]

Questions from spazzychic and my answers:

1: What is your favorite thing about your kid? It's hard to pick just one thing. Everything about his personality, really. In spite of his quirks, he is genuinely nice and has a helpful nature. His manners are excellent and usually only fail when he stuck in a bad place or is trying to be funny. Because he has Asperger's Syndrome, he misses a lot of social cues and is generally awkward. And as much as he likes making people laugh, his sense of humor doesn't always hit the mark, but I find that endearing too. He tries so hard!

2: What is the most memorable shopping experience you've had? Most recently, I went shopping in Vegas. I didn't buy that much, but seeing the shops alone was incredible! (And I finally got that ring I've been wanting from Tiffany's.) I'll never be an online-only shopper. I want to try things on, touch them, see them with my own eyes.

3: A lot of your social life is in places with alcohol. How does that effect you? I started working as a karaoke host back in 1991 (or '92...?) and have worked hosting in bars off and on until my current job with the school district. In fact, after my son was born, working at the bar was my only social life since I worked the one night he stayed at his dad's and the other when he was at his grandmother's. It was the only time I had without my kid (he couldn't attend daycare - another story), and my only opportunity I had to work, so I made the most of it. I still have many friends from the years I hosted. We still love doing karaoke, plus having given up acting when I had my son, I still have a convenient outlet for my exhibitionism. And there is alcohol. I usually drink, but not always. I have a few friends who don't at all. Lately, getting my screech on hasn't always been enough for me to blow off my stress, so I've been drinking more frequently. Too bad my social circle isn't into kickboxing. My knee probably couldn't take it anyway.

4: Biggest lesson of 2009? I'm still sorting out the year. So far, I guess just spend time with the folks you care about and tell them how much they mean to you before they're gone. You think you do it, but you find too late that there's always something you forgot.

5: Wish for 2010? If I tell you, it might not come true.

zerlina @ 2009-12-30T15:47:00

2009-12-30T23:46:51Z

It's all I can do not to crawl back into bed, but I'm determined to CLEAN.

I just need to stay busy. What's everyone up to tonight? Tomorrow? The rest of the week/month/year?

zerlina @ 2009-12-30T00:54:00

2009-12-30T08:54:06Z

I'm trying to clean house this week so I can start the year off feeling like I have a fresh start.

I mentioned that I thought that there might be an expectation attached to my uncle's check to fly to Texas to see my grandmother before she died. Well, I didn't mention that she passed just a few days later, the last day of school before vacation. No funeral, no memorial. Possible autopsy. Don't ask.

Anyway, now that I know that there aren't strings attached to the money, what I haven't used to catch up on bills, I'm spending at IKEA tomorrow after meeting a friend for lunch.

For New Year's, I will be attempting to assemble my new stuff. Wish me luck.

zerlina @ 2009-12-25T14:09:00

2009-12-25T22:04:38Z

I don't want to jinx it, but so far, so good. I didn't have many things for C to open, but he is delighted with his Wii and already has it hooked up. My mom is asleep on the couch.

I did NOT get self-help books, nutritional supplements, or Christmas-themed socks. I got the books that I asked for and a few others, a super-cute Mary Englebright teapot ornament and what appears to be The Princess of Quite-a-Lot ceramic box. And although I told her not to get me any clothes, she surprised me with a couple of simple knit camisoles and some tights.

Now, I'm going to cozy up with a nice cup of coffee and watch my kid play with his new toy.

zerlina @ 2009-12-24T14:53:00

2009-12-24T22:48:02Z

Today is too empty.

zerlina @ 2009-12-23T12:02:00

2009-12-23T19:57:50Z

Because I believe in taking responsibility for my own happiness, I'm really trying to be proactive. Still, I'm struggling.

On Monday, I made the main course from that show, Cook Along with Gordon Ramsay. I made steak Diane with buttered peas and rosemary potatoes. It was really simple and very tasty, and C loved it.

Yesterday, Amber called to check on me and invite me to join her for lunch. I didn't think I'd make it there to take advantage of her window so we rescheduled for today and I'm looking forward to that very soon. I also firmed up plans to meet Randipants for happy hour. Additionally - still on yesterday - I sent the last of my Christmas cards out and while I was there, gave a box of Frango chocolates to the folks working the front desk and they were delighted. That felt pretty cool. I also met up with Natalie and gave her a little Christmas present. Some company just signed her so they can market her product - monster chainsaws - and she's pretty excited about it, especially if it means she can finally have the surgery she's been wanting.

So today, I started with a list so I wouldn't forget anything. We started by getting up way too early for C's ortho appointment. (Stress about coordinating appointments with the dentist and ortho for removal of wires for cleaning - AAARRGH!) I went by Storables, but they weren't open so I grabbed a milkshake before picking up C and then headed back there only to find that they discontinued the perfect jar for my presents. I still need five to finish packaging my sugar scrub.

So only good stuff for the rest of the day. Lunch with Amber, booze with Randi, and I need to make croutons to pay off Mike for coming to save me on Christmas. (He's my Escape Claus!!) It will just be me and C on Christmas Eve and morning. My mom should be there around noon and Dadoo is picking C up around 2:00 or 3:00. (Lucky kid!) I told my mom I had plans later, so hopefully she won't stay later than 9:00 or 10:00. She's camped here at my computer until after midnight in the past... At any rate, if she's still there when Mike comes by, I'm tossing her out or leaving her here alone.

zerlina @ 2009-12-21T21:23:00

2009-12-22T05:20:38Z

I don't know why I even bother posting. Do I really need a record of all this crap?

I found out a friend of mine has advanced prostate cancer. Fun times.

Don't even get me started on what came in the mail.

zerlina @ 2009-12-20T16:30:00

2009-12-21T00:29:09Z

I am so ready for this year to just be over.

Remembering the good stuff...

2009-12-19T03:19:01Z

1. First and foremost, Mike is feeling better. Even with over $10k in hospital bills, he is glad to be alive. I am glad too. We are catching up tomorrow night after game night.

2. I'm looking forward to Game Night. I can't stay late, but I'll be there long enough to deliver a couple of presents and get a game or two in.

3. School is out and winter vacation has begun. I am going to sleep in EVERY DAY, and I am going to do it snuggled down into my fancy-schmancy bed.

4. Winter vacation means I get paid early. I think I will surprise my landlord and pay rent tonight.

5. C put something in my stocking. Now I have something under the tree AND something in my stocking in addition to some very delightful cards. (And maybe I'll find the time to send mine out!)

6. I have plans to catch up with shoewhore76 next week.

7. The Wii I ordered for C for Christmas made it here in time.

8. My secret pal at work loved EVERYTHING I got her, including the seafoam candy. (Thanks, cosmicbandit for the recipe!)

9. The sub who replaced Miss T for the week totally kicked ass. I'm hoping they ask her to work in our class when a position opens.

10. I'm grateful that I'm not Dadoo. He won't be spending extra time with C over the holidays because he's closing one of the restaurants down and has to tell the employees that in three weeks, they won't have jobs. Merry Christmas. :(

zerlina @ 2009-12-14T10:47:00

2009-12-14T18:47:53Z

I mentioned surprises in the mail? Well, one thing was a check from my uncle. I never hear from him - like EVER - so just getting a card was a surprise. Now I'm wondering if he sent the check with an expectation I fly to Houston to see my grandmother before she dies.

So, I'm not sure what to do. Will she last until school is out? I have bereavement leave, but I don't think I can take it until she passes. And what about airfare? They have special rates for this sort of thing, right?

Should I even bother? She doesn't even know who I am at this point. Even if she did, the last time I was in the area and called to come and see her, her response was, "Sorry honey, we have family in town."

I just don't know. Maybe I should call my uncle. Even if I fly down, I'll need someone to get me from the airport and give me a place to stay. And what about C?

I so don't want to be at work right now.

zerlina @ 2009-12-13T21:56:00

2009-12-14T05:56:00Z

My grandmother is now in hospice.

zerlina @ 2009-12-12T22:24:00

2009-12-13T06:24:41Z

Well, I didn't have a cocktail. My mom showed up close to 4:00 and left close to 10:00. She was angry and crying when she left, comparing me to my stepfather. She has the notion that I live on credit cards. Truth is, I haven't used most of my cards in ages, I just haven't been able to pay them off completely. In addition to that, I am so bad about taking care of my papers, she was likely looking at statements that are years old.

I was supposed to go out tonight, but I think I'm too wiped out. It's been a long day. Then again, it might do me good.

zerlina @ 2009-12-12T15:22:00

2009-12-12T23:22:48Z

I'm bracing myself for a visit with my mother. She was due here twenty minutes ago, but I'm appreciating a few more to myself before her arrival. She is coming to help me sort through all my papers that are causing me grief. Unfortunately, this means that she will scrutinize every single receipt, bank statement, bill, and list she comes across.

I don't usually drink this early, but today may be an exception.

On the bright side, I've gotten some surprises in the mail from my holiday wish list. I have something under my tree! So in addition to the vitamins/nutritional supplements, Christmas themed socks and self-help books I get from my mom, I will have something fun to open.

zerlina @ 2009-12-12T01:45:00

2009-12-12T09:45:28Z

My son is at his dad's for the weekend and I feel like I'm flailing. It's like C is the only family I have, the anchor of my existence.

zerlina @ 2009-12-08T11:42:00

2009-12-08T19:42:37Z

If you pray, light candles, or send out warm fuzzies, please do so for my friend Mike. He is very sick.