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Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep.

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Wednesday, July 8, 2009

7:04PM - List

There's so much from my trip I want to write about, but I really don't have time. Here's a list to remind me:

The Ten Commandments
Everything is made of t
Family stuff
Brad Duncan
Hello to the hairdresser
Hello to Robin and Barb, neighbors who helped me survive my childhood
Moose's with Laura
The old lumber yard, now coffee shop
The declining nasty hotel
Norm's News and Syke's Grocery
4th of July
My brother the husband/jackass (still love him)

(3 kisses | show me love)

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

12:02AM

I got word today - FINALLY - that our waiver was accepted. C can attend school in Shoreline instead of the Seattle School District. We don't have to move! We don't have to fill out a pile of paperwork! We don't have to settle for Kamiak! This is a HUGE weight lifted! I have been stressing about this since his school went on the chopping block.

Now I can really enjoy my trip to Montana. Can't wait!!

And when I get back, my BFF will be living in the same state!

Life is good.

(3 kisses | show me love)

Thursday, June 25, 2009

3:26AM

In blinding contrast to the last few months, the last two days have been spectacular. I should have been coming out of my seasonal funk around February, but with the break-up followed by screwing up my knee, then a uncomfortable return to an unwelcoming classroom, the misery just seemed endless. Sometimes, the onset of summer brings a new sort of depression - I have no routine, so I just stay in bed.

( That isn't happening. )

(show me love)

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

11:03PM

( gratitude list )

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Sunday, June 7, 2009

11:58PM

Two more weeks. Tomorrow I bid on my job for next year. I'm waffling between two spots. There's one in preschool with a teacher I've never met and there's a self-contained classroom for K-1st grade, also a teacher I've never met. Or at least, I assume so, since the position isn't filled yet. I thought Miss Meany might take it, but apparently she is going to another school. The K-1st is a shorter shift, so less money, but a shorter day is remarkably inviting right now. I wish I had more time to think about it, or at least meet the teachers.

The classroom is still hell. I'm tired, but I don't want to go to bed. It's as though staying awake will keep Monday at bay.

More stuff is happening. I'm just too tired to take the time to explain.

(show me love)

Saturday, May 16, 2009

2:19PM - Day of Abundance

Here's the ( Gratitude List du Jour! )

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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

10:08PM

Today was my first day back in the classroom and I'm pooped. Miz O was out, heading to Tempe to see her daughter graduate and hear Obama speak. Miss Meany seems aloof and I need to stop taking her stress personally. The new BMAC guy working with our volatile student is young and laid back, and seems to take things in stride. I hope he sticks with it. I am also concerned that he doesn't keep a close eye on things when we're on the playground. Hope I'm wrong.

As exhausted as I am, it's good to be back.

(2 kisses | show me love)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

6:53PM

I finally did something to celebrate Mother's Day, sort of. I got Chinese take-out from the Royal Unicorn, mostly so I didn't have to clean the kitchen in order to cook dinner. C is not convinced that he likes Chinese food, so nothing too complicated. He ate everything but the egg roll, and that's just fine. They're not the top of my list either.

Current mood: full

(4 kisses | show me love)

Monday, May 11, 2009

4:55PM

So I did take that nap, expecting that C would be home at 5:00 and we might go out to dinner for Mother's Day. Instead, I woke when Dadoo delivered my son nearly two hours later than that. And he had a bratwurst on the way home, so he wasn't really hungry.

So much for that plan.

(1 kiss | show me love)

Sunday, May 10, 2009

3:46PM

C is up at his dad's for the weekend, so I've found myself in yet another blue spot today. I made myself venture out and headed to Northgate. In spite of the fact that Mr. Stoic doesn't usually work weekends, I called him anyway and found he was there. Unfortunately, he was too busy to meet me for lunch, so I grabbed my book out of the car and treated my solo self to a shroom burger at Red Robin.

Now I'm full and am pondering a nap.

(1 kiss | show me love)

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

8:11PM

Results of the MRI: I'm old.

Some degeneration of the posterior horn of my meniscus or something. Paperwork is around here somewhere.

Hey! At least it's not a tumor!

(2 kisses | show me love)

Friday, April 24, 2009

5:14PM

In an effort to incorporate more live performances into my life, tonight I'm going to check out a coworker's band, Hijack Maria, tonight at the Mars Bar.

But first, I will nap.

(show me love)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

7:12PM

Well, the doctor said it's a no-go. I have an appointment for an MRI next week. Physical therapy continues.

There's pain. There's walking like I have something up my ass. There's the inability to sit on the floor. There's the uncertainty of where my income will fall. But the worst thing? I feel like I'm letting my coworkers and my students down. Being out of the classroom sucks. When I went by HR to turn in my latest paperwork, I started to break down, so I asked Ms. G if she would call and let Miss Meany know I'm still out. I didn't think I could talk to her without blubbering through an apology.

Maybe that's not the worst thing. I've never had anything happen like this before. When I get hurt, I suck it up. I bounce. But there's something wrong with my knee, and it's freaking me out. I'm wondering if the incident(s) at school were the straw on the camel's back of something else.

I just don't understand why I'm not better yet.

Current mood: melancholy

(3 kisses | show me love)

Monday, April 20, 2009

10:36PM

Tomorrow I return yet again to the doctor to see if I can go back to my classroom. This is getting really old. I'm gonna push for the MRI finally because I just don't understand why I'm not better.

I wish I had ice cream.

(1 kiss | show me love)

Sunday, April 12, 2009

3:56PM

Again, I woke up to an empty home. I know my son is way past coloring eggs, Easter baskets, and egg hunts, but not even having him home makes me a little blue. I hate watching a holiday pass without doing anything to celebrate it.

So I cooked some eggs, made some Earl Grey tea, and ran a big bubble bath. I selected a cute egg cup and a spoon, grabbed salt and pepper, my tea, and my copy of Lolita, and sank into the tub for a long soak. I feel rejuvenated and clean!

As a bonus, Dadoo delivered C home early. To celebrate Easter, we usually go out to brunch, but it was too late for that. I asked if he wanted to go catch a movie, but he has no interest in going anywhere, doing anything. Lame. Still, it's nice to hear him dinking around in the next room.

(show me love)

Friday, April 3, 2009

1:15AM

Well, I've decided that I must throw a party. The whole turning 40 and all. It just won't be for another month or so. I'm hoping that my body will be feeling better by then, and my mood on the upswing. I'll probably post everywhere that I post anything.

(6 kisses | show me love)

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

6:21PM

I do not want to cook dinner; it involves standing.

So the birthday started out crummy. I woke up to an empty home with C still up at Dadoo's, so I was pretty down and feeling a little sorry for myself. I dragged my sorry ass into work and before long, Miss Meany showed up with two of my students bearing cards and a pot of tulips. What a surprise! So sweet... Then two more showed up with their cards and a giant birthday balloon - even better than the flowers, which I will likely kill within a week. Then she brought two more with their cards, and my favorite. He rarely ever speaks. When he does, it doesn't make much sense unless he's asking for food, but he was singing, "Birthday! Birthday!" It was super-cute.

That night, I went to dinner with Miss Meany and we did some shopping. As suggested by the physical therapist, I picked up some Dansko shoes and Miss M got cute shoes. Not fair.

I still have the need to celebrate, I'm just not sure when or how. Soon?

(2 kisses | show me love)

Monday, March 30, 2009

11:10PM - update

Tonight I had dinner with my mom for my birthday.

I'm continuing physical therapy. Seems to be getting worse rather than better. I have no idea when I'll be back to my full duties.

Also, pray for my kid. He didn't put the mailbox key away and I'm going to kill him, especially since L&I (or rather, SI, I think it's called) is sending me checks, hopefully enough to cover rent and other necessities.

Yep. I think that about covers it. Thank you and good night.

(2 kisses | show me love)

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

7:42PM

I went in for an eval and stuff with a physical therapist today and they started on me immediately. I have instructions to ice my knee twice a day and I have four exercises to do twice daily as well. The therapist did some ultrasound on my knee along with a massage, then sent in another woman to do some sort of shock therapy for pain management. Having current shoot through my knee was so odd and uncomfortable, I'd almost rather bear the pain. Maybe it will get easier?

So I'm assigned two more weeks of light duty. Two more of my coworkers are out with back injuries, so things are crazy in the classroom. Tomorrow, all four of us are out because the other one has an appointment for something. I hope the kids are okay. At least we have a behavioral specialist working with this one kid now. Maybe he can help keep our classroom safer.

In a week I turn 40. The Big Four-Oh. I thought I would plan something - besides my trip to Vegas last month - but I just don't see it happening. I mean, I can't dance, so that's out of the question. I don't know. I'm just so tired.

(3 kisses | show me love)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

12:16AM

One thing I can appreciate about the economy and general state of the world. Saturday Night Live can still find a way to make me smile about all of it, if only for a little while.

(show me love)

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